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originally posted: September 2, 2016 on my FB page
FB: Dating

It has been 12 years... nice years... beautiful years... of being single, not touching any woman as man touches woman (and I am heterosexual). I was blessed so much and maybe I will be blessed also with a wife, who will be similar to - compatible with me? :) That’s almost mission impossible but one never knows :)

I have found an interesting video about dating. It hurt my heart. And after seeing it, I lost a bigger part of my wish to find myself a wife... People live in hellish relationships without love. I know only couple of people, who have such a marriage, that it would be almost good enough for me but the vast majority... huh... No, I rather don’t touch, don’t kiss, nothing... than to live in such a not-relationship.

Maybe you will recognize yourself in this video... I will not try to teach you love, because love cannot be taught. But I will describe you, what love would do. You could use that and imitate love, as pretenders do or you might want to get love, receive love... And I can tell you all about the way.

* Video starts: ah, love... it is high... like a drug... No, that is not love. That is an attraction and maybe lust, selfish lust. When you love, you love all people, no matter how they treat you. With some you feel better, they love you to some extent, with others, you don’t feel to be accepted, valued, they hate you, despise you, mock you... you don't feel so good but you love them nevertheless.

* drama queen: well, it is a lack of love. Lack of love can have many different symptoms. And people, they don’t have any cure for that – just leave such a person... some people, who think, that in them there is love, they might try to change such a person, whatever but they are unsuccessful.
Swinging from one emotional state to another – that’s crazy person... and we all are crazy without love. Their life without love is empty and people want to fill that emptiness with something. Drama queen fills it with a drama, some people with drugs, some people with adrenalin...
I like the reaction of the guy: I just ate a grape :) haha :) It is a weird feeling when someone accuses you of something you haven’t done... and you cannot prove him/her/them wrong...
Life with such a person can be difficult, not pleasant...

* she’s a flake
exactly – the tone of her voice was... telling me, that she isn’t accepting the guy. That it bothers her a lot, because he doesn’t understand her... But it is not about the tone, the tone can be imitated, it is about the relationship and relationship without love is empty or at best a business relationship: I do this for you, you do this for me...
For me it is exhausting to lie in front of TV doing nothing... Empty life... Love? Wants to share itself, life with others...

* she treats waiters like crap
Comment applicable to the whole video: the roles could be also reversed. She could be he.
Person loves things, herself more than others. Others are here to serve me, is the mentality. I don’t care how you feel. If you will not be nice to me, I will not pay you...
Again, empty life without love. People think, they deserve something good and therefore they cannot appreciate, be thankful for anything, They demand a lot. Love gives itself for others gladly, selfishness demands that others give themselves to her.
“We don’t care...”
“No smile, no tip...” you really cannot buy true smile... You can buy yourself a fake smile...

* she has a bad relationship with her family
that is lack of love too. Mother doesn’t care about her needs. She doesn’t care about mother’s needs. And the guy? He could see that and if he would have love and love has understanding... he could give them pleasure of being, working together. People hate work and they hate working with each other but work with people is a nice thing. You help each other... You think: how can I serve you instead of how can you serve me?
People just don’t have any understanding. They don’t know love, they don’t have any wisdom... They are searching for quick fixes... If they would only search for love, truth...

* she expects to be treated like a princess
have you noticed the look of a guy? He pretends, that he likes doing, what he is doing. He lives in a lie. Relationship based on lie? No, thank you. People without love either lie – pretend, they don’t want to “hurt” the other person or they just tell as cruel as they are – the “truth”... Anger is usually result, it is said in the video.
Well, love works differently. Instead of thinking of yourself, you think of the other person and you tell her: if you treat other people like that, then you have serious problems... in a nice way truth can be said... You are not hurt... You cannot be... because love is in you and the other person knows that.
In a loving relationship – one serves another one and no one is exploiting the other side. In such a relationship the couple is one, as God intended to be... In love – it is not me – it is you. And if in you is love: it is not you, but it is me...
What can you give me instead of what can I give to you? Selfishness vs. love...
I want to be blessed instead of I want that you are blessed... Selfishness vs. love...

In such a way, we are not wasting our times... she tries to cover up her selfishness... She actually got herself a slave, servant... Buy me this, touch me here and now... just please me...
It is all about things... and me have you noticed? Well, without love, it is so... We need something and if we don’t have love, we need things...

It is in the alphabetical order :) That was a joke :) haha :) The things were not in the alphabetical order.

* she says all her exes are jerks
Well :) You are very, very, very likely the next one... the next jerk...
I see only broken, evil hearts... I know my heart... and I am surprised... people know so much about others... how to manipulate them, what to say, that they get what they want... but love is different. I would try to think – how can I help this person. How can I show her, that I accept her and at the same time (or later) showing her, that the problem is in her... Only love can cure that... pure love... but you cannot force anyone to accept love... and majority doesn’t want to accept it.

It is never their fault... A part of teh Gospel, the good news is the bad news. I know myself. It was painful to know myself but I was forgiven and I can be soooo grateful to the Lord. And when I see people, I recognize things, which were in me. And if I recognize half of things and if I am trying to let them know, that they don’t need to hide them, that they can acknowledge their fault, sin... they usually feel, that I don’t love them. They feel being attacked, rejected. But some people need some push and they are changed. Love changed them. And the others? If you agree with their self-illusion, they think you are their friend, loving, friend, who understands.

* she’s not flexible
Well, again – it is all about me, me, me... and what is very bad, bad, bad here – was, that she closed the “doors”. Just leave me alone... She rejected the guy and that is painful, evil.
Also the guy – he could ask her for her proposals, opinion – but instead his heart – selfish heart tried to force her – we will watch this action movie...

Things are not so important as people – if you love people, you enjoy being with them, no matter what you do and I would never spent time in cinema... I want to be with people :) Working together on some project: learning something, helping someone with something... cinema – it is stupid – one is at the same place, doing the same thing and yet one is alone...

“I don’t want to do, see anything. Sorry.” Sorry - etiquette... What is the use of saying the word sorry? You are not sorry! You are telling him, that he should be sorry. It is his fault... And you close him the door. He cannot do anything to correct that or he has to humiliate himself a lot... He is your slave...

* she guilts you for spending time with friends
The guild was hidden also in the previous scene but here it is exposed. Again – girl thinks, that the guy is her slave, her puppy, her property. That is not love. She doesn’t love anyone. Many people don’t love anyone... Majority is such – neither was I any exception.
What is interesting here to notice is his attitude. He has accepted the role of being subordinate servant of his girlfriend. “I am going out with my friends.” and his look was asking her: may I?

People without love, we are so stupid... What is the use of such a reaction? If the guy doesn’t care about you – you will change nothing. If the guy cares about you, and just wants to be with his friends, you are destroying that with your reaction. He feels bad with you, with them... You are destroying his life... And if he feels bad – how can you feel good?

The thing might be deeper... But love sees that and acts properly... In love there is a wisdom...

And she is lying: It is cool... Truth and love and wisdom and life go together...

“A good woman will actually encourage you to spent time with guys...” That’s false... People cannot live in a peace one with each other and they need some time for “themselves”. But in love... you don’t need much time for yourself... You see... acting and pretending drains your energy and you need to refuel, you need some time to be alone but in a loving relationship you don’t need to...

* you argue all the time
“There is nothing wrong if you argue from time to time” well, why is someone arguing? Because he or she feels rejected, not loved... because one thinks, that he deserves something more... because he or she values things or whatever more than peace... or the other person. People are ready to yell at someone, if that someone scratches their car... 100 € is worth more than that person, more than peace... One hates the other person and therefore people are arguing. And please don’t teach me, that I don’t know. I argued a lot and I know, I can live without arguing with people.

And by the way, have you noticed how meaningless is arguing? I am right, you are wrong. I am better than you. She felt being rejected... She thinks that he doesn’t love her or she thinks that she deserves something more from him. She might think, that he is her property... her servant...
53 minutes... should I be exact... Who cares if it was 53 minutes or 51 or 2 hours... Look at heart... But people, they don’t care about hearts... We are going so many years in the school, we are watching so many videos, we read so many books, we talk to our friends... and yet, we do not know the way of peace and love and harmony... Sad, sad, sad – but such is life without the real God, the real love.

You don’t even invite me... The guy doesn’t ask himself: what is she trying to tell me... Does she feel rejected? You just grab nicely her hands, look at her eyes... telling her, I love you, I accept you, I can’t wait to come back to you... but I cannot take you with me there because people would feel bad and I would feel bad – because this is a men’s stuff. Something like that for example. And if she is loving, she will understand... It is not so difficult... Well, the Gospel, the God’s love can cure us all... Human’s love cannot...

People, when they look at such scenes, they are judgmental. One person said even to me: Milan, you are the most judgmental person, I have ever met... But she judged me... But I see, as love does, the bigger picture. How many times was this lady rejected? How many wounds does her heart has? And that person, who judged me? I love her... She has such world view, as it was served to her by the world and she sticks to it...

* you can’t stand her friends
Well, you don’t love people. You think people are here because of you, to please you... Selfish person... The fact is, that if you are looking for a partner, who will be similar to you... well, if he or she is too much different, you might consider to be with the person or not... If you cannot stand her friends, who she likes, you cannot stand her... When she is chatting with her friends, you don’t stand her jokes, her thinking, her feelings... and the same it is in other areas of life but you are too blind, you don’t care so much about her, that you would notice that...

It is actually a painful thing for me to see such kind of communication. Girls want to force the guy into something he doesn’t want to be forced... and interestingly enough... he lied... and they were not so smart, to catch that... Smart or loving... It is all about them... c’mmon snapshot me!
And he? It was all about him...

* she’s violent
don’t tell me about it... such is a hellish life and how many people live it... Sad, sad, sad... People lives could change in one day!!! For free!!!

* you don’t share core values or life goals
sometimes we are just to different to understand each other... and that was the cause of their misunderstanding. When you get to know another person, you are trying to think as she does and vice versa... But people are not so different... either they are selfish and that means, that they cannot get along one with another or they are loving and that means, that they can go along with practically everyone.
Isaac didn’t have any problem to marry Rebeca... and she didn’t have any problem to marry Isaac even though they have never even meet before a marriage! And they had a nice life. But Esau, he saw his wives, and wives saw him and yet, there was always a quarrel between them...

You don’t want to have children... And screw up my body? Well, she hates life... that doesn’t mean, that he loves it... Being a mother is such a wonderful thing. You sacrifice your body, your body is used to built another human being... your breasts are feeding the baby and causing it to grow... So, so beautiful... if you love...

* she’s stingy with appreciation
“Finally”... she thinks, she deserves more, than she gets and therefore she cannot be grateful... She doesn’t even think, how the other person feels... She would love to be valued, loved but she doesn’t love. She is the master, the guy is her slave and whatever he does, is bad. Is he encouraged to become better? No. He was never loved, accepted by that girl. If he did his best, trying to do his best for her, if she is not appreciating this, he will lose his willingness. He is punished for something, he does right. He will stop doing that... If he would love, he could have a grown up conversation with that girl but today people are children...

“I am perfectly capable... myself. Thank you.” Again... A lie: thank you... No, you don’t. This is personal attack... She doesn’t even think, that the guy didn’t think anything bad... No. Her wound in heart is so deep, that it is all about her. And if a guy is also wounded by others... he will just smash the doors... and cause another wound in her heart.
It is terrible. She expects, that he will know her right from the beginning. But we see, that some women want that someone opens the doors for them and some don’t. Women are different!!! People are really unloving... and stupid... selfish... I would try to open the eyes of either one of them but sometimes people just hate you. They don’t want to listen to you. You are weird... They aren’t in their eyes... But if you hate, you are weird... you are not normal...
People without love they just hurt each other and they are trying to find someone, twin soul... Well, they cannot go along with anyone.

* she never apologizes
Was his apology sincere? He expected something in return. I apologize to you, you apologize to me... If both were yelling at each other, they could both feel bad, that they hurt each other so both could apologize... but...

Ok, I am sorry... - the tone was... give me a break. You have won. I want peace. Let’s stop arguing. Ok, I am sorry... Just plain lie...

and her what... :) very aggressive...

*Gucci pijamas
Well, people value themselves according to stupid stuff, they think they own – but when they will die, they will leave everything behind... That is their god, source of pleasure, source of life... of course we know, that is not a source of life... so, they believe a lie... I was such... I loved money so much, more than anything else... Stupid :)

And such people mate and have children and... it is a disaster... if you don’t love, you cannot give them love... Even if you are nice with your children, you will mess them up... but that is good for our consumer society. Use it, reject it... People, who are not loved, they are always searching for something to fulfil their emptiness in hearts, they are always wounded and they hurt others and that is a golden mine for priests, psychologists, healers, scientists, doctors, advocates, judges, police, politicians...

Our society is based on hatred. We hate love and truth and life... And we are trying to make things right and we always fail. Sometimes we manage to solve some symptom and we think, that this is the proof, that we are on the right path... No, we aren’t, if we don’t touch the original cause of our problems. We think, we know so much, but we are stupid... We can name our problems (drama queen, apathy, melancholy, such and such disorder) - but we cannot solve them! We cannot help ourselves. We need a help, a saviour.

And the Bible shows us, if we are willing to listen to her, the Bible shows us bad things in us... Our fallen nature, evil nature and if we want, she opens us our hears and hearts and minds, that we hear her solution... Jesus is saviour, who saves us from sinful life and gives us love... If Jesus from the Bible didn’t change your heart, if his gospel didn’t change you, you got something wrong... I can tell you that....

I am really surprised... Because I have met in my life great manipulators. They know what people think, feel... and they use deceit to force them into something, they cheat them, use them and people are even grateful... To sell them some insurance, product... But to meet someone, who would care about their heart... them... I can learn only from the Bible and the Gospel and not so much learning as receiving because love cannot be learned.... only accepted or rejected...

People are searching for quick fixes... There is a quick fix, which actually in reality for real in truth works... the Gospel of Jesus Christ but who is prepared to accept it?

If you have read till here,
what can I say?
I hope this was a blessing to you,
let the Lord bless you,
All the best,
Milan