Being accepted as a human
In “my” country I was more or less a stranger. In my village for instance, I would greet older people and it was not a rare thing, that people would not even bother to look at me and greet back, even though they had seen me. I was just a worthless piece of shit for them... Sorry, that I even exist :) So many bad things happened to me in this country. So much violence, especially in the school, when there had been officially no violence yet... so many times I was humiliated... Oh, my God... I grabbed every smile I could, every nice word, that I even survived. It was tough.
Being a Slovenian in Slovenia it is for many like being a piece of shit :) and being a Slovenian in Croatia, where we went to holidays, it is even worse :) Being less than a human... And then, I came to France... and people there, I am crying... It was so beautiful, so beautiful. Not many Slovenians or Croats could see in me a human being but in France – I could see in pretty much everyone’s eyes, that I am a human being... and that was, so, so, so, so great!
I was not invisible, when I went to stores, people noticed me in a good way. People accepted me as being equal with them. That is such a nice, nice experience... I desire such an experience to everyone... I am not telling you, that you should go to France, because some people feel bad in France and some people feel good in Slovenia or somewhere else.
How many people have never experienced something like that? How many people are mistreated in their families, at schools, at work, in their lives? It is awful, if I think, in what kind of a world we live in... And that brings in me even greater desire, to do something about it... Love is the answer. In France, people do not have it, but still, I could sense a glimpse of the real thing...
And when I returned to France after 10 something years... I didn’t know, that I missed it so much... Even the air was different... I was crying out of happiness... Even this world is not my country and yet I felt as if France is my country, my home-land.
I was accepted as an equal by some Slovenians and Croats and others too. I am not saying, that I wasn’t but to be accepted by almost everyone – that is a completely different story...
So, ZAZ... She is singing a nice song and I guess, she isn’t meaning for real, what she sings about but nevertheless that is close enough to the spirit, I have received 7, 8 years ago, close enough, that you might understand it.
She sings, that she doesn’t care about material things and that she wants love, joy, feeling good. Money will not make her happy. She wants to die with her hand on her heart. Let’s discover together my liberty, freedom... she says. Forget about your prejudices and be welcomed into my reality. I have enough of your artificial behavior, I eat with my hands and I am like that. I speak loudly and I am honest, forgive me. Let’s stop with a hypocrisy, I am not angry with you...
Oh, I desire love for everyone, that every human would be valued as a human being and not being less than any object, paper, number. Feeling good? When you love... you are happy but at the same time sad for those, who don’t love. It is not about feeling good exclusively. Dying? When I was a kid, I heard a story about my grandmother, who was beating herself on her chest, saying: mine, mine, mine... some time before her death. That was an awful death for me. And yet I was attached to so many material things... And I was afraid, that when I will die, that I will desire to tell people, that I love them... or that I am sorry and I will not be able to... My desire was to die peacefully, leaving behind people, who will not be too much attached to me, so that my leaving would not be as the end of the world for them. My desire was, that no one would hate me, when I die – well, one could hate me but without reason: I desired to have a pure conscience at that time. And that I would die in peace, in love, wishing to everyone all the best. And my wish was to tell and to mean it, to people, that I am grateful to them for everything. If they were nice to me, I am grateful for their kindness, if they were mean to me, I am grateful, that they were not mean even more... And this is what I am trying to do with these posts here :) My last wish is being fulfilled :)
She sings about her liberty, her freedom, her reality... I cannot agree with her, because those things are not hers not mine – reality is, what it is. Those things are from … :) And later the spirit, which is against love, is revealed in her song. I eat with my hands – me too, I like to eat with my hands – and I speak loudly, she says. I am honest, forgive me. Well, I don’t speak loudly because I mind other people too. Why would everyone have to listen to me only? Speaking loudly and saying that one is honest and that he is just the way he is, not willing to change, not willing to care about others... Asking for forgiveness and continue with doing that thing, being not willing to change is not honest!
But otherwise then that, it is a nice song :) It doesn’t corrupt the real thing toooo much.