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originally posted: June 22, 2017 on my FB wall
Tell it with a song, 6/6

Farewell, going forward

If I would tell you, that I think basically each day for the last 7, 8 years about my last day, many of you would try to teach me, as usual: you are wrong, don’t think like that. But it is such a blessing to me... When you meet someone, you never know, if that is the last time, you see him, her. I don’t take photos by stupid gadgets, usually... I use my eyes, my ears, my nose, my touch, my everything... to capture the moment and the image of a particular person and I carry many people I have met, if not all, with me all the time. It is great.

People, who don’t love and such is a vast majority, they are so weak and knowing that, one is more careful, what to say to them, how to look at them... so, so weak, so, so fragile... And people, who don’t love, they are mad: they behave as if they would be strong... hurting each other constantly. I will not go to the source too much, since people hate it...

But if Steve Jobs says something similar (Standford university speech, 2005): “When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” When Steve says something like that, people agree with him. Why is that so?

Because he hides the truth. He encourages people to be foolish, to love the works of men’s hands... but not to love the source... His final words of that speech were: “Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Thank you all very much.”

I like to encourage people to love the works of G.., to love people too, not desiring to make some stupid toxic machines... and thinking, what great work have we done... Look at junkyard, that is a monument of our “greatness”.

This song? It reminds me on my death... and when thinking about it, I am very happy. I am so, so grateful... My life was perfect...

Steve Jobs is saying: “Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Everything, what happened to me in my life, be it good or bad, it was a blessing to me. Did I connect the dots? No. God did. I trust the Lord... not my gut, destiny, karma, whatever... Our creator! Give him credits! Don’t be as Steve Jobs, who did not know him nor gave him credit (as far as I know, but maybe he changed his mind before dying).

My life was perfect and even though I am a failure in the eyes of the world and in the eyes of my relatives, who mostly despise me... I love :) :) :) Without love, I would either finish my life a long time ago or in a rage I might even hurt them...

My desire to know the truth, to know... was finally satisfied. I am not hungry anymore... So many people had greater understanding than I had. I was thinking: will I even have greater understanding than those great men have? It was unimaginable for me to have greater or at least similar understanding but after coming to the Lord... I have a greater understanding than all my teachers. And yet, what I know, the wisdom, it is so simple, so simple, so simple, so simple...

I am not a masochist nor a person, who would desire to die... Even though, I am 99.999% sure, that when body stops working, it is not over – still, I’m not enthusiastic about dying but nevertheless... I am thinking almost 24/7, how to make this world a better place, I am living for others and at the same time, I want also to die for others. That’s love. How will I die and where and when? I have a feeling about it for many years... I have desire about it too – it is great to live for others and to die to others too, so if my body will receive some bullets, which would be intended for someone else – such a death, would be a nice one - but we will see.

People would say for such a person: he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I would say for myself: I was in the right place at the right time :)

The song goes like: “I still need ya...” or as Steve Jobs basically cursed students, by saying to them: “stay hungry”. When you don’t love, you always need something but when you love, you need no man, no woman, nothing from them. You are satisfied. Buddhists (as all the others, I struggled too) have a hard time to accept love. They believe, that love is the same attachment, or of the same kind, as hatred is. And their goal of life is therefore not to feel, not to love, not to hate, not to think, not to live but to die once and for all. Many regard Buddhism as peaceful, loving religion. Well, if everyone would desire to kill themselves, there would be peace... but peace is also in the midst of people, who love.

12 years I have not touched a woman as a woman is touched. For me, that is almost unbelievable, since I was dreaming about girls from the age of 3, 4? But here and there I still feel being attracted by some girl, woman. If she is married or divorced, I turn off the thing. If I estimate, that she could not be with me, I turn off the thing too. But here and there, I have left my feelings a free way. That’s not love, that’s a lust. And it happened, that some women, I was attracted to, met a guy and they stayed together. My first reaction was? I was hurt. Being rejected one more time. I was not good... I had a hard time for a minute or two, maybe 5? But then, since I accepted the truth, the love of the truth, God’s love, I could be happy for her and for him. I was able to desire both of them all the best. Couple of times, when I saw them, it hurt me, yes but... that faded away and I enjoy seeing them both since then. That’s love. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, you don’t kill yourself, you don’t kill that person... you just love, you are happy if that person is happy: with you or without you. Love is an attachment but not the attachment, which would look at the person as if he would be one’s property.

Buddhists and well, majority, they confuse the real love with “love”. And they say, that the real love is a feeling of the same kind as hatred is. But it is not so. The real love is much more. The misunderstanding of love is of the same kind as with magic. There is white and black magic, they say... both are the same – but above that, there is no magic, but the greatest force, the greatest being, there is: God.

The song continues: “But if you’ll stay, I will leave ya...” And love does that. I love so many people, but those people disagree with me, they dream about things, I dreamt about too until I realized, that such dreams are vain, dangerous, deceiving, deadly. But I cannot force them into anything. I can explain to them, if they want to hear about the truth and if they desire to continue with their lives and works, which are not good at all, well, I carry them in my heart but I give them space too. I don’t see them too often. But not because I would not desire to see them, since I do. But if they would see me too often, they would be reminded, that they are living in a lie and since they would love to live in a lie, I am helping them to forget about the truth by not visiting them too often. I don’t hate them, how could I? It is their life...

Yes, two train tickets... I have tickets, many tickets. Whoever wants them, he can get them for free. I got my ticket for free too... I can’t wait the day, when I will go home, to meet the Creator. How beautiful will that day be! And here? I travel too, since only here and there a few people are desiring to find out the truth and to love for real... I am like a beggar, like a homeless man, a stupid, moving all the time, offering to people the greatest gift of them all – who wants it? Pretty much no one... Majority desires to stay foolish and to be “hungry”... That is their Job. My view on the real job is different: I am satisfied deep inside :) Finally :) And not like Steve Jobs, I desire everyone to be satisfied, filled, full and not a fool. I would desire to him such a thing to but he is not with us anymore. Our life is short... and what follows?