How many people are living wrong and no one tells them and those, who do tell them, are deceiving them, as for example Alain de Botton. If you want, watch first the video and then read my comments - and you will see, if you caught lies or if you bought them...
I have problems with my old computer. When I type, it takes a long time, the characters to be displayed on the screen, so, I didn't check my typos. I press a letter "a" and I have to wait a second to see the letter on the screen...
He wrote for the New York Times. Already that is telling me, that he is selling lies to people.
30 people in the room said, that they married a wrong person. And he said, we always have to triple the number. That is telling us, that many people are living in lies and they refuse to admit that to others or even to themselves. A lie is the problem!
"I am here to give counsel and consolation." We will see, that his counsel is foolish and his consolation? "I will turn your anger into sadness. If we change rage into grief, we do psychological progress." Is that consolation? He is either ignorant or a deceiver or? To deal with anger is not consolation. To deal with with anger is calming down. To deal with sadness is consolation. But people laughed and bought the foolish lie of this atheistic intellectual.
"Behind a very angry person you will find under the surface a wild optimist. Hope drives rage. Think of a person, who screams, when he cannot find his house keys or whenever he gets stuck in traffic... Such an unfortunate characters have a reckless faith in the world, where keys never go astray, the roads are mysteriously traffic free. It is hope that is turbo-charging their rage."
Lying hope, hope, which is not in the agreement with the reality makes people angry. Their imaginary reality is not in agreement with the real reality and therefore they are mad. The God is real... I am that I am, is his name, the Bible tells us. If you accept God, you accept the real reality. If you refuse to accept the reality, you are building your own one. You want to be a god. You may lie to yourself, that you are a believer in Christ, but you are not. And since you can be god only in your imagination, you are angry, when the real world is not subordinate to your imaginary world... You are not god, you desire to be and when you find out, that you are not god, you are angry or disappointed.
"We will have to diminishes some of our hopes." Lying ones, lying ones. Since people are liars - he told them, that they are deceivers (multiplying the number by three, do you recall?) - they hate the truth and therefore he didn't tell them the truth directly but between the lines.
"It is difficult to diminish our hopes about hope, because there are vast industries behind to inflate our expectations about love." Industries? Corporations? = money loving people, who manipulate people, causing them problems in the name of good, that's the truth but people hate the truth and therefore he did not tell them, that it is their love of lie to be accused, that it is their responsibility... no, he accused Walt Disney, who is already dead. Now, the industry is to be blamed but that doesn't mean, that we are not responsible. Our love of lie has got us into trouble. Because of that, we can be manipulated by Disney and Alain de Botton.
"It is not so bad, because not all of us will find the right person, but we all will probably find a good enough person. And that is success, as we will see." We will see, if that is a success...
"We are very strange. We don't know much about our strangeness. We need a lot of time, to realize, why are we hard to live with. The reason, why are you not easy to live with, is because you are homo sapience..." The Bible is telling us, that we are enemy of God, who is the truth and therefore it takes a long time for us, to find some truth about us. That's logical explanation. His explanation - of an atheistic thinker? "The reason, you are not easy to live with, is, because you are homo sapience." Where is here any logic? just vain words. He is covering your sin, your primary sin, he is hiding the truth, that we are rebels against the truth by nature. But he is giving you another reason:
"The reason, why is that so difficult for us, is, that our friends don't tell us, why would they bother, they just want a pleasant evening out... They know more about our flaws in 10 minutes of hanging with us, as we might know in 40 years... Our capacity to ???(accept) what is wrong with us is very weak. Our parents don't tells us. Why would they? They love us too much..."
God is also love and Alain attacked here love too. Friends, who don't warn us about our misconceptions... they don't tell us the truth, that we are using a wrong map... and if we are using a wrong map, we will have many problems. But they don't care. They care more about themselves. They want to enjoy in being with us more than about us. They hate us. They are not our friends. And parents? They love us? Love warns... Hey man, you are using a wrong map, you are lost, you will never get where you want to be because of that. I love you, and therefore I am telling you that. Change your map. That's love :)
"They know what is wrong with us but they will not tell us. They just want to be sweet." Yes, that is not love. They love their own lying self-image of a good person more, than us. They love lie more than the truth. A person, who hates the truth (Christs), cannot be good, cannot love...
"Ex-lovers, they know... they gave a speech: that they need more space... Nonsense." So, he is once again exposing the root cause: the lie! and evil - not love. They were "lovers" and they never loved us.
"Why would they bother?" Yes, exactly. If they would love the real Christ, the truth, the love, if they would love us, they would bother but as we will see, Alain hates love, God so, he cannot find any reason for that.
"This knowledge is out there but it is not in you." Well, that is a lie. It is in us. We know but we hide this knowledge deep inside and only the Holy Bible could expose this, my darkness to me. It is in me but without the Bible - it is too hidden. Conscience and the Word of God are telling us the same thing. We cannot count 100% on conscience of course - sometimes it is too dark but still...
He is basically telling people, that they are victims of the world (or God - but he doesn't mention him, since he is an atheist), of nature. God is telling us, that he was the victim - we went against him: truth, love, life, wisdom - Jesus.
"All of us are addicts... Addiction is any pattern of behaviour, whereby you cannot stand to be with yourself... And so you can be addicted to almost anything so long as it keeps you away from yourself, from the tricky self-knowledge." This self... is like the reality and God, knowledge of self instead of knowledge of God. Self is God in Satan's mind and in Satanic mind = atheistic mind. Another branch of Satanism is worshipping directly Satan in his many forms = following any false reality = following Satan's path. This self is the truth in their minds. So, we are prevented to get in touch with self... with the truth. He is saying that here.
"And most of us are addicts."
"Distractions, gadgets... You can be guaranteed, you don't have to talk to yourself and this is a disaster for your capacity to have a relationship with another person, because until you know yourself, you cannot properly relate to another person." Yes, knowledge of our wickedness is the first thing. To know God and his glory is the second thing. Then fear comes... the judgement, the penalty is horrific... and gratefulness when we realize, we have been pardoned and that changes us and implants in us love and then we can relate to another person. If we are in truth AND in love = in God, in Christ! If we accept the mercy and if we don't, nothing is really changed... Talk to God is vital and his word, Jesus is making us not strange-rs to his kingdom of truth and love any more but citizens of it :)
"Love requires from us, something, what we really don't want to do..." He got that right :)
"which is to approach to another human being, saying I need you." That is false, or a half truth at best.. First we need God, the truth, the love... And God gives us also a company of people. So, yes, we need people too but that is the secondary importance. Our relationship with the truth and love, with God is primary relationship.
Love requires to walk in truth. If you need someone, tell him. Proudness is preventing to admit that to ourselves, to God and Bible is telling us, that God resisteth the proud. Proud person cannot love, he elevates himself and diminishes a value of lives of other human beings, even mocking God.
"When we need someone really bad - two types of reactions - determined by psychologists." Oh, if psychologists are saying that, it is scientific and it is the truth? No, not really :)
"- the first response: to get anxiously attached - rather than saying I need you, I depend on you, you start saying: you are 10 minutes late... " You are hiding the truth and you are angry with the person - you do not love him. "We become were strict but what we are asking is: do you still care about me. But we don't dare to ask that question and instead we get nasty." He said also, that we don't want to admit, that we are vulnerable. We are not accepting the truth and a life without truth - leads to nastiness. Many people imagine, they love Christ and the truth but they are nasty, without love. They live in a lie. They dare to get nasty toward their fellow human, since they dare to be nasty to God, the truth.
"- the other type of response becoming avoidant. When you need someone, it is precisely at that moment,you pretend, you don't. When you feel most vulnerable, you say. I am quite busy at the moment. In other words, you don't reveal, the need for another person..." Oh, my God. Is it so difficult to admit, that we are enemies of God? Diffi - cult :) Yoke of Christ is light :) In other words, my dear Alain: people are pretending - are deceiving themselves, others and are trying to deceive God too. They love lie and hate true God.
"and then they ask themselves, if you are to be trust - a cycle of low trust." Well, if you lie to someone, of course they will not trust you :) But Alain is hiding that, since people hate the truth. Yes, love "demands" desires from us, something, we don't want to do... come to love, to truth, to God.
"So we get into those patterns of not daring to do thing, that we need to do." That's foolishness. A love of a lie, desiring to be God, not accepting the reality, leads us into foolishness.
"Even though I am a grown up, I have a beard, I am a small child inside and I need you as a small child needs his parents." Well, I need God and Bible says, that his word can make us his children... Do we need men, women? A little bit. But people without God, they need them too much... People cannot satisfy your hunger of yours... and if you are angry with them? It is basically your fault, sin.
"This is so humbling, that most of us refuse to do that step..." Yes, God resisteth the proud... God humbled me :) Not to be proud is ok...
"and therefore refuse the challenge of love." No, and therefore refuse the love! God's love! And without God's love... there is no universal, human love. In best case scenario you might "love" only some people and never, ever all humankind.
"In short we don't know very much how to love." Well, in short, we are rebels against love, against the truth, against the living God.
"we would need to go into school of love." Well, love cannot be taught - love cannnot be earned, it cannot be bought, it can only be rejected or accepted! People, who want to buy it, are disapponted or angry at the end, people, who want to earn it, always fail and they wonder why... Love is God! And people, who want to taught how to love? Well, they fail too. They learn, how to imitate love, how to pretend... how to deceive, how to lie! And that's not the real love.
"Love is just an instinct! No, it is not! It is a skill! and it is a skill that needs to be learned." Love is not a physical or mental attraction. If you are "in love" we are not in love but in selfishness, in lust. People, who are "in love" and are rejected, they many times hate either themselves or the person, who rejected them. They hate life! And life is God. Love is more of - value system... What is my worth? Am I worth more than, what you think, I am worth or less? How should we measure worth of human being? Based on their achievements, works? Intelligence? Beauty? How much money, they are able to collect? Health? Fame? Influence? Or should we value humans the way love valued and values them? The essence of life, the soul of a human being is worth more than the whole world! The Bible tells us. Love values you above all things, all sexual pleasures, all... That's Christianity... That means: being in love, in God!
"Our society refuses to consider it as a skill. We are being told just to follow our feelings. If you keep following your feelings, you will almost certainly make a big mistake..." Well, Bible tells us, that our heart is wicked, who can trust it?
"What is love? I believe :) :) ... There is a difference between loving and being loved. We all start in life by knowing a lot about being loved. Being loved is the fun bit." Well, yes. We live... God allowed that we live... but we don't accept that love and instead of it we embrace selfishness, proudness, lies, desiring others bad things... We are criminals, rebels against the living God.
"That is when someone asks you how was the day in school..." Well... a very narrow minded view on being loved is that, I would say. Being loved means, that someone values you! not your mind, fame, money, beauty, your company, associations with you, feeling good with you... no! Love is when someone values you more than anything else (with the exception of love, truth, life in general - the real God). If someone values imaginary god, a statue, an idol - physcial or mental - we don't feel being loved any more, you see?
"And we think, this will happen to us in our adult life. We can be forgiven for that." He just justified our sin, our evil, our rebel against God, human beings... covered it into ignorance... We rejected the tree of life and Christ and we should embrace the truth, which can make us free... Christ! But no, Alain is telling us, that the salvation is in the tree of knowledge of good and evil and that we can be forgiven for our ignorance. Well, it is not ignorance. We all can see that by know, I guess. He is promising to save people but he is keeping them in the real of lies, of the Devil and those, who want to believe a lie, believe him.
"It is an ununderstandable mistake, but it's a very tragic mistake." No, it is a sin! Evil. It is very tragic, yes.
"And it leads us not to pay attention to the other side of the equation, which is to love." Yes, sort of.
"What does it mean to love? To love ultimately is to have the willingness to interpret someone's on the surface not very appealing behaviour in order to find more benevolent reasons why it may be unfolding. In other words, to love someone is to apply charity and generosity of interpretation." Not quite. To apply charity and generosity of interpretation? That could be also understood as a call to deceive one-self, to live in a lie. Love searches for more benevolant reasons, that's true but that is not the primary or the ultimate thing. The foundations of love is value system... People say: I love you - but they like to be with us, they love our company and not necessarily us. They might love our look, our money, our fame, our strenght, our intellect, sex with us... and in their eyes we are tremendously devalued and without God, that is our value... As soon as they can get someone, who has more of those things, they are considering rejecting us...
"Most of us are in dire need of love... Core of what love is, is the willingness to interpret another's behaviour." That's false, once again. I don't need to interpret people's behaviour in a benevolant way. I know myself, and they are not so different and yet, I still love them all! I love them, since they are made in the image of God and since I love God, who is truth and love and life, I love them too, all of them! I value them more than money or works of humankind - dress, painting, robot... anything material, pleasures, they can give to me or take away from me... That's love! Love in me is still not completely matured but it is growing, it is growing... :)
"What we tend to be very bad at is recognizing that anyone that we can love is going to be a perplexing mixture of the good and the bad." Well, I don't see much good in people and yet I love them. Almost everyone could be mean to me, so what? The truth is, that without God, we are all bad only. Mixture, he is speaking about? That is just a counterfeiting of the goodness.
"When children are small (in infant stage), they don't really realize, that their parent is one character. They actually do, what she called split a parent into a good parent and a bad parent." Wow, many people cannot see, that God of the Old testament is the God of the New testament...
"It takes a long time, until the age of 4, until one realizes, that the good and the bad mother are one person." I cannot say anything about that. I am trying to remember, how did I perceive my parents - I remember, that they were one person for me but... I might be wrong... So I cannot say anything about this.
"You becaome able to hate someone and really go off them and at the same time also love them and you are able not to run away from that situation." Well... When coming, really coming to the truth... one hates the works of men, their thoughts, their whatever but he loves their lives, them! In God one makes that kind of distinction. People cannot understand, how could I love them and at the same time hate, what they do - their relationship with the truth, love, life, God is a disaster - it is detrimental for them and for others too and therefore I hate that. Christians fight against the ideas, which go against God, but they don't wrestle against flesh and blood.
"You are able to say: I love someone and hate them and that's okay." Well, that's stupid, perplexed mind, heart. To hate anyone is not okay with God!!! When you accept God, the truth, you are freed from hate. Search for the way and you will find it! Knock and it shall be opened to you, God is saying to us. In our own power, we cannot not to hate people. If you lie and you are telling the truth - you are in general a liar. And if you hate someone and love him - you in general hate him. Think about that...
"And Melanie Klein thought this was an immense psychological achievement, when we can no longer merely divide people into absolutely brilliant, perfect, marvelous and hateful, let me down, dissapointed me. Everyone who we love is going to disappoint us." Ok. Without God, that is the best, what we can do. Everyone, who we love, is going to dissapoint us? Well, God not! And when we are in God, have his nature, loving nature - there is no question about disappointing anyone.
"We start off with idealization, and we end up often with denigration." Well, idealization - we are searching God in people, God's love and we cannot find it and therefore we are dissapointed. But when you come to God, you can look at people and their evil thoughts, works and still love them :) Alain is presenting only a part of the whole picture.
"The person goes from being absolutely marvelous to being absolutely terrible." Well, our view of the world and people without God is wrong one. First we lie to ourselves, that we love someone but we don't. We love the wrong image, we have about him. And then we realize, that this image has changed... our lying dreams have collapsed and ofter we blame for that the other person, when in fact it was our fault. Well, the other person also wants to please us, to deceive us into thinking, he is someone, he is not... that's a contributing factor. But at the end, when we know the person, we usually reject him - without God. We blame him for everything, we hate him - just to justify our sin - living in lie... Lie - hate, lie - hate - that's what's going on in our lives without God.
"Maturity is the ability to see, that there are no heros or sinners really among human beings. All of us are this wonderfully perplexing mixture of the good and the bad." There are no sinners... wow :) Mixture of good and bad is not bad? If you mix a good food with a deadly poison - is that still good food? God is able to change our lives. God's view on the world, his word, his information, the truth can change us, so that we at the end of our lives become matured persons: loving everyone! We can overcome the whole world! As God - hero - Jesus had done. But until then, we all are sinners. There are sinners and heros! But heros are humble and they don't think about themselves to be heros.
"So love is not just admiration for strenght. It is also tolerance for weakness and recognition of ambivalence." Tolerance for weakness, yes. Ambivalence? Definetely not.
"We have made mistakes. Why is that? The reason is, that we have been told, that the way to find a good partner is to follow your instinct, right?" The reason, the fault is in others, not in you, he is saying. You are just a victim... people like to hear that. They want to be blameless but if they justify themselves, they are never changed...
"Follow your heart, that's the mantra." Yes, Bible tells us, that heart is deceiving above all things, who can trust it! And people, who love God, love all people too and for such a people it is not difficult to have good relationships with men. People, who hate truth, love, God - they might think, they are religious, faithful but are not - for such it is impossible to have a loving relation with anyone. Without love - you cannot love :)
"You can't thing too much about your emotions, you can only think badly." That's wrong. When you love, you don't think about YOUR emotions all the time. You think about also about others. How do you influence them? You don't want to hurt them... That's love - thinking about others too.
"But the problem is that we live in a romantic culture, that priviliges impulse..." You see, how are people cheated? People want to believe lie and they believe it. Then they have problems and some of them are trying to come up with another lie. They "expose" the previous "faith" and they lay foundation of the new one, which is also deceiving in its core. And this is, what Alain is doing. So, some people, will love his lecture and some won't. But if you love the truth, you will reject both teachings - teachings and not Alain, not people.
He tells later, that we are basically searching for partners, who are similar to our parents and he gives a good arguments for that. I could agree with that. A person without God follows such a path.
"So we are not merely on a quest of be happy, we are on a quest to suffer in ways, that feel familiar and this radically undermines our capacity to find a good partner."
"We tend to believe hat the more a lover is right for us, the less we're going to have to explain about who we are, how we feel, what upsets us, what we want." Well, that's true. All this originates from God. We don't need to explain to him, who we are, how we feel... We still do, but we don't need to.. And searching for the relationship, which one can have with God, in humans is a catastrophe. Instead of pointing people toward God, Alain is attacking our desire for true love... But the fact is - the more we are similar to someone, the more similar spirits we have, the less we need to explain ourselves...
"We believe, rather as a young child believes of its parent, that a true lover will guess, what's in our minds." I agree, this is stupid but majority does that.
"One fo the great errors that human being make is permanently to feel that other people know what's in their minds without us having said what's in our minds."
"And when it comes to love, we have this deep desire that will simply be understood wordlessly."
"It is a beautiful romantic idea, but it also leads to a catastrophic outbreak of sulking."
"Sulking is an interesting phenomenon. We don't just sulk with anyone. We sulk with people who we feel should understand us and yet, for some reason have decided not to and that's why we tend to reserve ours sulks for people who we love and who we think love us. And they tell us something - they unwittingly will trigger a negative reaction in us and we'll sulk. And they will say: What's wrong with you, darling? And we will say: nothing. And they will say: come on, your're upset. We will go: No, I'm not, I am absolutely fine. And it is not true." So, love of truth prevents us from sulking. We are angry with a person we "love", when we sulk... Real Christian cannot sulk... Fake ones - they do.
"And we'll go upstairs and we'll shut the door and we won't tell them what's wrong with us. And they will know at the door and they will say: please, just tell me and we will say no, because we want them to read our souls, because we expect that a true lover, can understand what we feel and who we are without us speaking." Wow... People would like to know us... they would want to be with us and we shut the door... We are lying, rejecting the truth and by shutting the door also rejecting the love... And we feel bitter, angry... And it is God's fault, partner's fault, fault of society, Disney... but we? We are fine in our eyes. We are not fine BUT WE CAN BE MADE RIGHT - AND THAT IS THE GOOD NEWS, THE GOSPEL of JESUS CHRIST.
"This is a catastrophe for our capacity to form lasting relationships." Yes, I would say that too...
"The root to a good marriage and to good love is the ability to become a good teacher." Well, the tree of good and evil... is being promised here. No, the tree of life is the root to love. Christ died for you... you are worth more than the whole world... You life is sacred (not your way, how you live, but life itself). I am not your owner, not master and you are not my slave. That's how the real Christian looks at people.
"Most of us teach, when we're tired, when we're frightened. What we are frightened of? We are frightened we've married and idiot. And because we are frightened, we start screaming at them." Well, false, lie. One screams at another one, because one is angry...
"You got to understand!" That's giving orders...
"And the thing is that, unfortunately, by the time you have started to humiliate the person, you want to understand something, lesson over." Yes, without love, that is what is being done.
"When people say something... about you, you think, they are attacking you. They are not. They are trying to make you into a better person." That's not true. They would want us to be changed into their image of a better person. That's not the same thing. If you marry a serial killer, he will want to change you into a person, he desires you to be and you will not be a better person but a better helper to him. But the Word of God, the Bible, IS trying to make us a better person and we tend to think, God is hatting us. He is not, he is trying to make us to a better person.
"And we don't tend to believe, that this has a role in love." Well, love corrects :)
"We tend to believe that true love means accepting whole of us. It doesn't." That's true. God and Christians accept us, our life - but do reject what we do with (our) life.
"We have to accept, that the other person is going to want to educate us and that it isn't a criticism. Criticism is merely the wrong word that we apply to a much nobler idea, which is to try and make us into better versions of ourselves." What is wrong with God? Why people? Can someone, who is imperfect and has no idea, what perfect means (love everyone), make us perfect?
"But we tend to reject this idea very strongly." Yes, prophets of God were slain almost all the time for telling people the truth...
"Is there any hope? Of course, there's hope!" Why of course? Why this certainty? In God, there is hope - but if Alain, who deceives, is telling you, there is a hope? What kind of a hope has he in mind?
"Relief from our otherwise punishing perfectionism... Am I good? No, you are good-enough..."
"The good thing is that none of us are perfect, and therefore, we don't need perfection." Wow... Be perfect as your Father is perfect, who loves everyone. Love everyone... That's what being perfect means to God. The desire to be perfect for someone you love... is natural... I want to please that person. God showed mercy on me... I am grateful... How can I repay him? By being merciful to others or by being not merciful? By being merciful to others. One accepts the same spirit of perfection... This world lacks God, lacks love, needs perfection!
"The demand for perfection will lead you to only one thing, loneliness." Well, if you desire a perfect partner, the way you imagined him... you will be alone, that's true.
"You cannot have perfection and company." Well, in God you can. But this is an atheist speaking so, if taking love, God out of equation, one comes to his conclusion: you cannot.
"To be in company with another person is to be negotiating imperfection every day." He is mixing many things here. The real imperfection: love of lie, and hate of love or our "imaginary" imperfection: you don't cook perfect (the way I want), you don't dress perfect (the way I want)... That is not imperfectness.
"Incompatibility, we are all incompatible." Yes, without God, sure. In God, in love, people are one in truth.
"But it is the work of love to make us graciously accommodate each other and ourselves to each other's incompatibility. And therefore, compatibility is an achivement of love." Wow - that's right but he doesn't know love. He knows a counterfeit of love and therefore the compatibility, he speaks of, is also merely a counterfeit of the real compatibility.
"of course you will not be completely compatible. That is not the point. It is through love that you gradually accept the need to be compatible." That's true :)
"You cannot change your type" of course not - God can...
"what you can do - and this is a BIG achievement" small one actually
"is to change how you characteristically respond to your tricky type." You practice, you pretend and...
"We had a distant parent, now we have a distant partner. When we were very young, we responded to that distant parent by attention seeking. We rattled and banged. And now, we are adults and we rattle and bang in our own way. We think, that's going to help. It doesn't." We need love... God's love is being offered to us for free... A person, who loved us, sacrificed his life for us. Christ, God himself! Wow, someone died for me, someone loved me... Every one can accept his love!
"It creates a cycle that's going to be a vicious cycle. It is not going to get us anywhere." Yes, without God, we will get nowhere.
"It is open to us at any time to have a more mature response to the challenges that the types of people we're attracted to are going to pose for us." If we are not in God, we will face many problems but if we take them as something normal, as challenges - we have to overcome - then we will never come to God and we will never solve those problems, "challenges".
"And that is an IMMENSE step forward, an IMMENSE achievement." Not really. It is a small step but if you think, it is an immense step, it is an immense step but into the wrong direction.
"Ability to compromise. One of the most shameful things to ever have to admit is to say: This is my partner. I have compromised. In choosing them, I've compromised. Why have you compromised? Well, I'm not that attractive myself. I have got lots of problems. I am a little nutty. Frankly I couldn't pull anyone better but they're very nice. They are ok. You would think: loser, it's not true. Compromise is noble. We compromise in every area of life. There is no reason, why we shouldn't compromise in our love life. Maybe we are sticking around because of the children. Good!" It is true. One compromises... but without God, we are left with compromise: you are not perfect for me, I would marry another one if I could but you are good enough... Do you feel loved, when hearing such things? I don't. I would feel used, cheated, hated. But in God... Christian prays: thine will be done... You know Lord, better than I do, what is good for me. And whoever we meet, whoever we live with - that is perfect... It is the best for us. And Christian, real one, can say to his wife, or husband and believe that, think that too: you are the best person, I could live with, you are perfect for me. If they are too aggressive, you go apart, Bible allows that - but we are never to be remarry with another person. But other than that - everything is perfect, because it leads you, it guides you toward love, God. If your partner is treating you bad, you don't want to be like him and you treat him nice. If he treats you good, you have desire to treat him nice... If you want to be with God, to love, everything serves that goal... No compromises are needed.
"I am going to end with a quote from one fo my favourite philosophes, very gloomy philosopher called Kerkegaard. In his book Either/Or had a wonderful outburst where he basically said: Of course, you're going to marry the wrong person and make the wrong decisions in a whole row of areas. And the reason you're going to do this is that you're human... This is what he says: Marry, and you will regret it; don't marry, you will also regret it. Marry or don't marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world's foolishness, you'll regret it; weep over it; you'll regret that too. Laugh at the world's foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Hang yourself, you will regret it; don't hang yourself, you will regret that too. Hang yourself or don't hang yourself, you will regret it either way. Whether you hang yourself or don't hang yourself, you will regret both. This gentleman is the essence of all philosophy. Thank you very much." He promised counsel and consolation and what did he give us? Whatever we do, it is wrong, we will regret it. And harsh, brutish man, who is saying that, it is called a gentle-man by him. The essense of all wisdom is? Gloomy regret? The Good news, the Gospel of Jesus Christ tells us, there is the way out of this gloominess... There are things, we will regret and there are things, we won't regret... But without God - as those atheistic philosophers have figured it out: you will regret. You will regret not to accept the truth, the love, the life, God's plan for your life, the God himself. Profesing themselves to be wise, they became fools, the Bible tells us about people, who rejected God. And take a look at this worldly "wisdom" - whatever you do, you will regret it... Godly wisdom directs you into the way, where there is love and love is not to be regreted. I liked Alain de Botton thinking years ago. I noticed his spirit, which hates God and consequentially people too but... there was some truth in his thinking. And now? After coming more and more to Christ, I can see, how this intelligent man is lost without God and how all those (wonderful - since I love them - otherwise they are not - their spirit is wrong) people like his message... I hope that they will come to the knowledge of the truth, which can make them free - otherwise they will regret it - but that is something, which they already know. They just refuse to come to God for help, to be dependant upon him, to be a little child, saying to him: God, I am lost without you... I was your enemy... Please, let me, allow me to praise you, as long as I live...
This is what I wish to Alain and to you: that at the end of your lives you will be in love and if you will be in love, you will be in truth and in God and you will regret nothing. But if you will remain in lie, in evil, you will regret everything.